what are you looking for?

a few years ago, in an effort to purge all lies from my life, i felt i should actually assess myself when people greet me with, “how are you?” this led to me telling a lot of people i was tired or stressed. by breaking the social norm, i raised a flag in people’s minds that it was a cry for help. they’d quiz me further and find out i’m feeling about how most everyone is feeling. life has ups and downs and when we put a microscope on it, those downs look a lot bigger, while the ups tend to seem trivial. we take life’s positives for granted. i still try to be honest when people ask that question, i just try to be more gracious. when i’m generally good, i’m good.

all that to say i was putting a microscope on lisa’s health. i know the path to recovery won’t be a smooth and steady hill, but i stubbornly took every unexpected turn as a huge setback. by undercutting the progress we made with a negative outlook, i was living in fear, stress, and pessimism. i was looking around every corner for the next setback to get us. i was assuming we were sheep at the slaughter. but the only thing that’s going to die tonight is this grief beard.

“he who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? it is God who justifies. who then is the one who condemns? no one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? as it is written:

“for your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[psalm 44:22]

no, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. for i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – romans 8:32-39